


The Traffic Tickets of Joanna Ross

by Neathra



Series: Blood and Water [2]
Category: Bartimaeus - Jonathan Stroud
Genre: Gen, List of Traffic Tickets with Blurbs, Silly, Unconventional Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 23:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20714258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neathra/pseuds/Neathra
Summary: A collection of some of the more ridiculous tickets that Joanna Ross has gotten over the years after she was reunited with her little brother. Set sometime afterNathaniel’s Sister Drives Like a Crazy Woman.





	The Traffic Tickets of Joanna Ross

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t think I ever made it clear exactly how insane Joanna’s driving is. I mean, I did use it as a punchline a couple times, but I never laid it out in explicit terms. Not to say that Joanna is a _bad driver_. She isn’t. But she is more suited to stunt driving/getaway driving than she is to being a chauffeur. So this is a list of Joanna’s most ridiculous traffic tickets. Not All of them are about speeding – some are Nathaniel’s fault (and Bartimaeus invoked one intentionally). I actually tried to stay away from speeding because that’s boring. She does get a lot for speeding though… Did I mention that if Joanna existed in our world she would have gotten her license taken away like 7 times over?

**Ticket #1 – Transporting Wildlife without a License**

Citation #: 000821

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: Parking Lot M, St. James’s Park

Offense Description: Ross was ticketed for somehow fitting a fully grown grizzly bear in the backseat of her car – without the required permits. Pedestrians reported the animals head sticking out the window rear-left window. When questioned, Ross denied that the animal was hers, blamed Minister Mandrake, and disturbingly shouted at the grizzly that “You’re doing this just to get me in trouble over the rosemary air freshener aren’t you? Blame John – I think it stinks too!”

**Ticket #2 – Contributing to the Delinquency of a minor. **

Citation #: 000121

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: Around 128 Abbey Street

Offense Description: Ross’s car was pulled over for unusual driving behavior – starting and stopping, and being excessively obedient to traffic signals. Ross was allowing her 17 year old unlicensed younger brother to drive to teach him. Her brother did not have a learner’s permit.

**Ticket #3 – Endangering a Public Official**

Citation #: 012021

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: 2 Marsham Street

Offense Description: Ross was ticketed going 129 km/h in a 40 km/h zone outside the Home office. On further investigation it was revealed that Minister John Mandrake of the Information Ministry was in the backseat. Minister Mandrake declined to press charges.

**Ticket #4 – Disparaging the Character of the Deputy Chief of Police**

Citation #: 006660

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: 13 Angel Lane

Offense Description: Ross was ticketed for reckless driving. While being ticketed, Ross made several disparaging comments about the Deputy Police Chief to her passenger. Notable insults include “Daughter of a werewolf”, “She-Witch”, and “Total Brat”.

**Ticket #5 – Ignoring Officer Directions**

Citation #: 003006

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: Brackley Street

Offense Description: Ross blew threw a red light; was ordered to pull over. Ignored the officer. While the Ross was able to loose pursuing officers in the backstreets; however, Ross’s license plate was well known to the pursing officer. She denied all knowledge of law enforcement’s directions upon questioning.

**Ticket #6 - Passenger Seatbelt Violation**

Citation #: 023681

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: Brick Court

Offense Description: Ross’s left taillight was out. On being pulled over it was revealed that her passenger was not wearing his seatbelt. Unusually for her, Ross did not argue with officers over the ticket – instead berating her passenger for not wearing his seatbelt and putting himself at risk. In fact, in addition to the legal penalties, Ross threatened that if her passenger ever went without a seatbelt again she would “Tell Bart and Kitty all about the incident with the Jello”.

**Ticket #7 – Creating a Public Spectacle**

Citation #: 701971

Name: Joanna Ross DL#: F255-9215-0094

Offense Location: Richmond

Offense Description: Ross was reportedly seen putting on chainmail gloves, and crawling under her car after collecting her client from a function at Richman. Subsequently there was much yelling and commotion. When questioned, Ross blamed “a nasty little imp that I caught trying to slash my brake lines.” It is unknown if this story is true, but Ross claims it has become a common issue. Ticked her anyway just to be safe.

**Author's Note:**

> There you have it! Seven Times Joanna got herself a ticket. Well, the interesting tickets at least – she has a lot that read “Ticketed going (some#)x the speed limit” or “Driving Recklessly”. (Nathaniel just signs and pays them at this point – well, at least the strange ones. He still takes the speeding and reckless driving tickets out of her salary).  
The cops alternating between recognizing Nathaniel on sight, or not depends on if he’s wearing a suit and tie or not. After the end of the previous installment, he sometimes goes “incognito” to gauge actual public concern/be a normal 17 year old goofing off with his sister.  
Naturally, this interest in what the public actually wants, and actual effort to speak for their interests gets Nathaniel labeled “Best Magician EVAH”, and his general popularity (and the envy of his colleagues) skyrockets. Hence the Imp and the Brake lines (Joanna’s driving is notorious).


End file.
